Words of Wisdom. At
first look most of these will seem to be nothing more that drunk people
talking...Well you are right, but within this chaos you will find a few precious
words of wisdom. These words will guide you through the good times, the
bad times, and hopefully they'll guide you
through the times when you are drunk off your ass as well.
-Chi Mann
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Advice: If you happen upon the skull of a dragon, leave that place quickly.
For whatever killed it, may still be around.
---Thieves Proverb
Remember all: In death the Pheonix lives again. You are the pheonix and the
ashes are but the past. Do not let the past affect how you react to the
world anew. Live again.
---Gaoder Vue
Even a pheonix, born from the ashes of its own demise, changes. It's
wings,
that are now spread anew, are new wings, its eyes shine with a new light.
But the fire that burns within it's heart, is that new? Or is it just an
extention of the old, in the form of the new?
---Chi Mann
Do not trifle with dragons, for you are small and crunchy and taste good
with ketchup.
--author unknown
"Happiness is not found at the end of the road, it is experienced along the
way. So take not for granted each moment of your life and you will find a
reason to be happy each day."
---author unknown
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
---Dean Martin
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he
hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however
measured or far away.
---Henry David Thoreau
Elevators smell different to midgets.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
Brigands will demand your money or your life, but a woman will demand both.
--- Samuel Butler
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
In the beginning there was nothing. And the Lord said "Let There Be
Light!"
And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it.
An optimist believes we live in the best world possible; a pessimist fears
this is true.
There are three kinds of men, the ones that learn by reading; the few who
learn by observation; the rest have to pee on the electric fence for
themselves.
---From 'The Wisdom of Will Rogers'
"Oh, they have the Internet on computers now?!"
---Homer Simpson
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
---Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
---Churchill's reply to Lady Astor
Confucius say: "Is stuffy inside fortune cookie."
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are
dull, some have weird names and all are different colors...but they all have
to learn to live in the same box
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be
a merrier world. – J.R.R. Tolkien - Fellowship of the Ring
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in
the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
Promising costs nothing, it's the delivering that kills you.
Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present
The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to
cringe.
Courage is the first of human qualities, because it is the quality which
guarantees all others.
---Winston Churchill
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be
sitting next to you saying, "That was fucking awesome.
Don't knock on Death's door ... ring the bell and run. He hates that!
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
Sex is evil, evil is sin, sins are forgiven, so stick it back in.
When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep.
Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Darling: the popular form of address used in speaking to a member of the
opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.
---Oliver Herford
"Beat your child once a day. If you don't know why, he does."
---Chinese Proverb
"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
---Woody Allen
"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist,
but
you have ceased to live."
---Mark Twain
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough
blood to run one at a time."
--- Robin Williams
"If it weren't for electricity
we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel
"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device
that is exploding."
- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Murphy's Love Laws.
All the good ones are taken.
If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much
you love them.
Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
Nice guys (girls) finish last.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute
they find someone else.
Pickup Line
(Walk over to her) "Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don't talk
about it."
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze
her nose) BEEP!
Hey baby... drop that zero and get with the hero in other words... you better
come with me.
Which one of the Spice girls are you?
My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
I can see you. [Uh, yeah.] Great! Then how about tomorrow.
For what sort of person are you looking? Wait- don't tell me: medium height,
blue eyes, etc...
Drive around like a car and make screeching sounds and say "Uh, sorry, my
uh, breaks aren't working well. Where are you headed?
It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
Um, you have really beautiful.....uh....eyes, yea. You are pretty. What
I mean is... You have a nice forehead. (Messing Up) Do you believe in when I
walk by..... (To yourself) Oh Man, STUPID STUPID STUPID!
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a
biscuit!
Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey,
it's not coming off!
Wow! Are those real?
You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married?
Twice.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
You are the reason men fall in love.
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
Are we related? Do you want to be?
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
You remind me of a girl I used to date.
Your name is Laura, huh? Can I call you Laura? Really, what time?
You remind me of a girl I used to date.
Are my undies showing? Answer: "No." You: "Would you like them
to?
I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you."
You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I can't stop ya.
Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.
Excuse me, but I think I left your sunglasses in your pocket. Mind if I check?
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
Bond. James Bond.
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell
her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank
her.
Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
I have only three months to live...
I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
What time do you have to be back in heaven?