In May of 2002, I ,Richard, graduated from high school after 4 long tedious years, I was happy; I hadn't lead a very happy life after my father passed away 6 years ago. I hadn't had a serious relationship since the summer of my sophomore year, and that hadn't lasted very long anyway, but I had some friends and having some friends is better than not having any. I was happy that I was accepted into the air force academy at Colorado Springs, Co. , because I wanted to be a fighter pilot. That was a dream of mine since I was younger. Then there's also this girl from school that I have liked since my junior year, and I would love to marry her, but we'll come back to that later.

When my mother found out that I got in to the air force she flipped; she didn't want me to go into the military because she has seen how they have to go over seas and sometimes soldiers get killed for nothing. She didn't like the idea and wanted me to quit. I had expected this and took the documentation over to a friend's house for a while so she couldn't do anything to sabotage my choice. After she realized that she couldn't control my life and that she wasn't going to be able to do anything to stop me she just gave in and accepted the idea.

Lauren, my best friend, has been there for me in times of trouble and doubt. She has helped me more times than she can count also more times than she knows about. She has been there to joke with, even if she was doing most of the joking, and she has been there to talk with. She has been there trying to help me and, unfortunately, I have taken my anger out on her for it because I didn't realize at the time that she does care about me more than I thought. She has said before that if I was to terminate my existence from this realm of life that she would have followed. I never knew why she said that; it told me that she cared though, because if she didn't then she wouldn't die over little old me. I've loved her since our junior year, but it took me awhile to tell her that I did. We used to talk all the time on the internet, but I just wish that she would talk to me in person because its okay no the internet, but in person more feelings are shown, and it's hard to hug a person on the internet. She was a great friend to me, though, and I'm glad she was there to make sure I got to be here. I believe that if she wouldn't have been there for me then I wouldn't be here today.

But then I went off to the air force to be a pilot, I had to be unmarried otherwise I would have asked her to marry me. I almost proposed to her though, and then we could have gotten married after I got in and settled. I didn't know how long she would wait for me, though, so I plan to get settled in first and then find her if she was not married and assuming that there was no one in her life. I didn't have to look hard for her because we kept in contact over the next couple of years. I got through the academy all right and now I'm training to be a fighter pilot. Over winter break, instead of going home to see family, I went to California to see Lauren since she's in fashion and she's famous. I remember her telling me one time that she wanted to do this, and I'm glad that she could do something in life that she wanted to do.

It's Lauren's 25th birthday today and she doesn't know that I'm coming to see her. I pulled some strings with a few friends and got a week off so that I could spend some time with her. I rented a limo for this evening, and planned to take her out to dinner at a very nice restaurant, so I went over to her place to ask her to dinner when I saw it. I was shocked at first then just sad. didn't even go up to the door and knock, for I didn't care, I saw her in the window clear as day and I saw her left hand had a ring on it, being a pilot I had to have excellent vision and I saw that it was a diamond ring, it wasn't the only thing I saw, her husband was there to, for I knew it was her husband because of the wedding band. I stopped and started to walk away then I just stopped and sat on the step's not wanting to do anything, I just sat there for a minute or two which seemed like an eternity at the time. After a little bit I reached inside my uniform and took out a little fuzzy box that I had in my inside coat pocket, I opened it up and there it was a 24 karat gold band with a diamond the size of an eraser, after 4 years of saving my money I found that it was use less, I couldn't return it since it was engraved with "Lauren my love" on the inside, I just sat there and cried, I don't know how long I was there or how long I had been sitting there when I heard some one say hello a few times, then walk up to me after they recognized the outfit. It was Lauren, she was as beautiful as I remembered, with her long purplish red hair gently getting blown by the breeze in the air, and her gorgeous slate blue eyes, coming to me. She still had the ring on I noticed it shining as the sun light bounced off of it. She asked what was I was doing here, I stood up and I shut the box in my hand with out her even noticing it yet, and told her that I had stopped by to say hi. Then I lost grip on the ring box and it fell to the ground still staying shut and went over to her feet like it knew who it was for, she bent down to pick it up, as she did that I just turned around and looked at my car, a old 95 Mitsubishi 3000 GT twin turbo. I wanted that car so badly, now I just wanted to get in and drive, see how far I could get before I get pulled over for speeding, cause after getting a few turbo's put on and having 930 horsepower that car is slightly street illegal unless it stays in first and second gear. As I turned and started down to the drive way, she went to hand the box to me. "its for you, well it was. I cant return it so you might as well have it, if all else you could keep it if you want. It don't matter to me anymore." I could tell that she was a bit confused after I said that, she opened the box and was shocked, maybe just surprised, I'm not sure which at that point my heart was broken in to many places to care, I had my keys out and my car was on, since it came with a remote car starter which still worked by some miracle. I got in the car and immediately put it in reverse and peeled out of the drive way, I took one last look at Lauren, she was standing there atop a small hill by her drive way still looking at the ring, amazed and in shock at the same time is how it appeared to me. I put the car in drive and I went to peel off, when I say what appeared to be a tear on her face, roll down to her chin not two just one. My foot hit the gas petal and off I went in to the horizon. With my engine revving up high since I was in 1st gear still and almost 60 miles per hour. So I failed to her say two words, "I do." she said them to me hoping by some miracle I would hear them, but I didn't, I wanted to get away I didn't care about speed limits at the time, I saw the stop sign a block or two away and looked at me speedometer and say it near 120. my right hand had been on the clutch and shifter the gears with out me even noticing it, I started to slow down and just sat there at the stop sign for a minute, my engine idling, I turned back to see if she was still there and I saw her looking at my direction, I floored it almost blowing my engine from almost not shifting in time, and just speed back to my hotel for the night. I didn't do anything for a while just sat there for a while on the bed staring at the blank TV screen, then over to the phone. My base at the time being over in Colorado was a good drive away, so I just sat there for about an hour, staring at the a picture of Lauren from high school, it was taken at a dance we were dancing at the time the picture was taken, out senior year I think it was. I was so happy she went with me at the time the picture was taken, I had kept the picture with me every where I went since then never lost it, always hoping that a day like today would come along just with different results. I got up got my belongings, took an envelope from the desk and placed the picture in it, I put to" Lauren Jane Parkhurst-Agey" then I crossed the Agey off with a pencil but the rest I wrote in black pen. I sealed the envelope and put my name and rank on the envelope on the back, so it read "Captain Richard Agey" on plain letters. I paid the owner of the motel his pay in full, got in my car and drove off. I stopped at quick shop and bought a case of pop and some chips for if I got hungry on the way home, and then drove by Lauren's to drop the envelope off in her mail box. I drove over and put it in the box and honked a once just so she would know that some one was here. I drove off and I looked back a minute later and saw her check her mail box. After that I drove all the rest of the day and night with only the needed bathroom breaks to keep me off the rode. She didn't know where I was stationed at so since she couldn't really contact me I just put my most precious dream out of my mind....... and my heart forever. I was in sixth gear the whole time home, so if I was going to get pulled over they would have had to blockade me, I wouldn't have even noticed if I would have blown right through there cars, luckily I didn't have to. I got back to the base about 10 hours later of practically straight driving. I didn't talk to anyone for a while I just went to the f-16 simulator and checked it out for around 7 hours. And selected some missions where I could do lots of dog fighting. After about 10 hours of straight flying in the simulator, some one tapped my shoulder and told me my time was up. So I went off and went to be after my body told me I needed some sleep. Got up for breakfast and told my commander that I was back for duty, he asked y I was back so soon, and I told him that things didn't go as planed. He could tell I didn't want to talk about it and he said, take today off since your still officially on vacation, and you look like shit anyway. So I did and I just left and wandered over to the gym and worked out.

The next few years of my life were pretty simple, I went on mission after mission lots of voluntary ones that I didn't want friends to take because they were married and some had kids by then. I started to get medals but I just left them at home in a safe, since they were the only thing I had to come home, but to I didn't go there very much. By then I was a squadron commander and controlled my own squadron, then 7 years after that I became a general. So today I don't know if she ever kept the ring or not, but what I never knew was that she wasn't married at all, or engaged. She was just letting a friend practice how he will propose to his wife since he had butterflies and wanted to be sure on what he was going to say.

I have a friend I like more then I should

For she just wants to be friends

Which is really cool.

Yet I cant help my feelings

I can?t help my thoughts

Whenever I?m around her I think about her

I wonder what it would be like,

Just what if.

I want to tell her

Yet I don?t want to mess things up

For she?s a really good person and a great friend

That I don?t want to lose

I wish I could repress my feelings

But that doesn?t work very well

I can get by for a few minutes

Then they just creep back to mind when I hear her

Say something in her sexy voice

Or see her nice figure go by

Oh temptation

Why do you have to stress me so?

What have I done to deserve this in my life?

For this really hurts me making me want something I can?t have

Wishing for a drop of the nectar of the gods

For even a drop

A little hint of what I wish for

Would make this suffering all the more bearable

Knowing what its like makes it somewhat easier

When you can?t have something

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Welcome to my section this has my poems for now hopefully more later

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